Marriage is not...

So, it's been a whileee since my last post... a whole year and 4 months to be exact! It's as if 2020 never happened lol 👀. Rona came into the world and everything as we know it.. changed. But as always, we embrace the change and go with it. Last year, a time like this was our 1st wedding anniversary... and yes we had plans to celebrate which were shuttered but we moved past it and here we are again celebrating our 2nd wedding anniversary... also riddled by lockdown 😒. Anyway, so many lessons to be learnt and that is exactly the reason for this post. The same way we are learning to adapt to rona is the same way newlyweds find a way to adapt to married life. 

So as we mark our 2nd wedding anniversary I'll share some of the lessons I've learnt along the way and how we moved from being newly weds to married folk and how we crossed over to other side of dramaville if you catch my drift 😄. This is for someone out there who is about to start out or already in it and wondering.. what the heck? 😂 

In my last post, I talked about what marriage is. I shared 3 things that make a marriage work. Today, I will go the opposite direction and share what a marriage is not... 3 other things that make a marriage not only work but stand the test of time. I haven't been married long however I feel I have a few nuggets of wisdom to share with those who are or will come behind me. So let's begin. 

When you first get married, as a wife it's all about making your husband happy and comfortable. So you pull all the stops. You do everything right. In return, your husband treats you right and everything is great. Unfortunately, this rosy life doesn't last that long and you quickly realise that life isn't all a bed of roses. You start wondering what happened to us... The thing you don't realise is that you've just moved from the honeymoon stage of marriage into the drama stage of marriage. 

This stage although uncomfortable and sometimes filled with despair, is an important one. This is the stage where you and your spouse are actually getting to really know each other. In this stage the curtain falls and the gloves are off. You may not actually fight that much but when you do, it can get heated and your arguments can become more frequent. You may clash on many things and as a wife you might feel that your spouse is not listening. As a result, you may become resentful. This is okay but should not last too long. As always, you should always try to talk things out and come to a fair agreement. However, as a wife you may find yourself either lashing out or giving him the good ol' silent treatment. This is of course not a solution and does not help. So I have learnt that you can get through this drama stage although with a lot of tolerance and some compromise. So I've compiled 3 things that can help you get through this very important stage. 

1. Marriage is not easy... it takes hard work. 

That rosiness in the beginning of marriage cannot be sustained without putting in the effort. If you want a good marriage, you have to put in the work...and it is hard! It involves sacrifice and putting your spouse ahead of yourself.

2. Marriage is not always about what you want... it requires understanding.

Without understanding, you cannot be able to come to your spouses level. You need to understand who your spouse is and what is important to them even if you yourself don't understand it. This is where compromise comes in.

3. Marriage is not about criticism... it means fighting fair.

In marriage, you will disagree a lot! But how you handle your disagreements is what matters. Pointing fingers at your spouse does not help and can build mistrust and destroy intimacy. You should therefore always fight the issue and not your spouse. You should also take up responsibility for your actions and always be ready to forgive.

These are just some of the important lessons I have learnt in my two years of marriage. Marriage is therefore not easy, not always about what you want and is definitely not about criticism. Along with communication, intentionality and prayer... marriage is about hard work, understanding and fighting fair.

Love, 

SL